you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Randomize
