maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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