At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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