Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
