there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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