TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
