yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
