I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
