you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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