I hate your face
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
