and she was petting her beer can
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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