we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
