ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
