dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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