We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
