My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
