spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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