Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
