i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
