I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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