So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
