I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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