I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
