So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
