A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
