I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
