Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Randomize
