So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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