I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
