I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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