dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
