I didn't shave. On purpose
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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