the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
