I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
