were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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