i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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