there's paper in my vomit.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
