whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
