Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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