Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
