New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
