I puked a lego.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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