If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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