How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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