I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
