i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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