she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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