I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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