Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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