omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
