we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
