Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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