all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
