every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
