he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
