i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
