Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
