You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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