id be glad to
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize