Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
you made out with another girl for some wings
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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