dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
