between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Too much gin, very little bucket
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
