Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
