Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
