winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
