Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
