I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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