and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
