Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
