All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
