What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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