i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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