its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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