Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
