i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The air taste purple.
Randomize
