lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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