Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
