Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
