that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
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It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
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I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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